Making the Move

I know it's been a while, but I think I'm going to move all of my future entries to WordPress.

http://doubleofive.wordpress.com/

I already imported all of the posts from here over to there. First up, the long-delayed "Twilight" movie review.

REVIEW: Quantum of Solace (2008)

Summary: The 22nd Bond movie, Quantum of Solace, is a direct sequel to the 21st, Casino Royale, which rebooted the whole franchise in a grittier, more human direction. The story continues 20 minutes after the previous movie, and shows Bond stopping an evil plot by the mysterious organization that left him betrayed in Casino Royale. But its all about revenge for Bond.

Thoughts: I was never really a Bond fan until this reboot. I've only seen one of the old ones (Thunderball), but it just didn't seem to suit me. I rented Casino Royale on a whim one night last year and loved it. It had humor, action, suspense, and a reality that I think the originals were missing. You got into Bond's head a little and find out what makes him tick. Quantum continues this trend. In fact, it continues it so much, that you HAVE to watch them together. Not only will you be less confused about the plot, but the movies complete one another.

Let me explain: I was going to write this review as somewhat middling, because the basic plot is just that, basic. Revenge, blah blah blah, betrayal, blah blah blah. The action sequences were incredible, and were mostly lacking in Casino Royale, so that was good. Casino Royale was a bit heavy on plot and light on action, which Quantum was heavy on action and light on plot. It was only after reading Bill Hunt's mini-review on thedigitalbits that I realized that I shouldn't be comparing these two movies. They complete one another. They weren't written together like some movies that come in two parts (Kill Bill, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows), but they fit together so well that it would be a shame to not watch them together.

I really can't talk about Quantum of Solace without spoiling both it and Casino Royale, so I'll leave you with this: If you liked Casino Royale, you'll like Quantum. If you didn't see Casino Royale, don't watch Quantum until you do. You'll only be confused and left a bit empty. If you didn't like Casino Royale, I'm sorry.

Overall: A great companion to Casino Royale.
4/5

Bonus!

On a majority of prints you find a trailer for JJ Abram's Star Trek. It's unlike anything ever seen from a Star Trek before. For those of you not aware, yes, they're making another Star Trek movie. Yes, this is number 11. But like the 21st Bond, pretty much everything has been thrown out of the window and they're starting from scratch. So far, its looking like this is what The Original Series would be like if it was made today and no one had ever heard of Star Trek before. It's a prequel in that its young Kirk and crew and explores their origins more than the series and previous movies ever did. But its a reboot in that things are different in some ways (which could be explained by the presense of a time-travelling Leonard Nimoy). Overall, I think it looks good. It has potentional for either greatness or lameness. But I'll see it with an open mind as a revitalization of one of my favorite franchises and I encourage my fellow Trekkies to do the same. I think even if you've written off Star Trek before, you should give this movie a look.

Official Site
News

REVIEW: Tropic Thunder (2008)

Summary: Ben Stiller directs and stars in a comedy about the making of a Vietnam war movie that goes off the rails when the actors are left in the Vietnamese jungle to fend for themselves.

Ben Stiller plays the stereotypical action hero who wants to finally have a serious role after trying and failing to Oscar-bait by starring as a mentally-challenged stable boy.

Jack Black plays the stereotypical comedy star who is in it for the money to continue is drug habit.

Robert Downey Jr. plays a 5-time Oscar winning Australian actor best known for his complete immersion in a role for months at a time. He also had surgery to portray the black sergent to challenge himself further.

Thoughts: I thought this movie was hilarious. Everything about it was great. Each character in the movie starts in reality, but is taken to obscene comic heights. The only character who isn't very well developed is Stiller's (who wrote, directed, and produced), who keeps his acting role to a minimum I think to make room for his other roles, unlike when he was the title character in Zoolander in addition to writing, directing, and producing it. The other characters are perfect portrayals of the actors who appear in movies today. The over-the-top comic, the method actor, the rapper-turned-actor, and the actor who actually takes his job seriously, all come across pretty convincingly. The ridiculous movie producer is a character you won't soon forget, especially after you realize who is playing him.

The dialog was funny, if extremely vulgar. Some of it is vulgar for the sake of being vulgar, but that is probably how Hollywood behind the scenes actually is.

Downey is the stand-out star of this movie, cementing this as the Summer of Downey. His character's unwillingness/inability to break character is hilarious but sad in a way. Ironically, Downey rarely broke character after filming stopped, immersing himself in a character who is a parody of actors who immerse themselves in their characters.

This movie is what parody/satire is all about, not Disaster Movie or Meet the Spartans. I heard that Ivan Reitman (director of Ghostbusters 1 & 2) said that sign of a good comedy is that you can take out all the jokes and it still be a good movie. By that definition, Tropic Thunder is a good comedy.

Overall: A great example of what satire should be.
4/5

REVIEW: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008)

Summary: In between Star Wars Episode II and Episode III, three years of war between the Clone Army of the Republic and the Droid Army of the Separatists were skipped over in the movies. The first attempt to document these battles was the traditionally animated "Clone Wars" micro-series of 25 mini episodes. I thought these were good, but sometimes a bit over the top. The first two mini-seasons had little plot, and the third mini-season's plot was weird until it lead directly into the opening battle of Episode III.

The Clone Wars (note the "the") takes place between seasons two and three of the micro-series, after Anakin is knighted but before the events leading up to the Battle of Coruscant that starts Episode III. Basically the pilot for the upcoming TV show (also titled "The Clone Wars"), the movie seems to consist of the first three half-hour episodes of the TV show expanded and edited together to make a 90 minute movie.

Jabba the Hutt, intergalactic crime lord, is upset that his son has been kidnapped. The Republic, eager to make peace with Jabba to get free passage through Hutt space, send Obi-Wan Kenobi, Anakin Skywalker, and Skywalker's new apprentice, Ahsoka Tano, to retrieve Jabba's son. However, not all is as it seems, because the Sith are behind the kidnapping, and hope to manipulate things to their advantage.

Thoughts: It's hard to figure out how best to judge this movie. Do I review it as I would any other movie? Do I review it as a die-hard Star Wars fan? Or do I review it keeping in mind who the movie was designed for, that is, 8 year old me? I think I'll try giving all three perspectives, just to cover all of my bases.

General Review: Honestly, I found the movie to be exactly what was advertised: the pilot for what amounts to a Saturday morning cartoon. Most reviewers seem to think this is supposed to be Episode II.5, a legitimate piece of film making meant to be taken seriously as a contender for Academy Awards. They don't seem to understand that Lucas watched the first few episodes of the TV series and said to Warner Brothers "Hey, we could release this to theaters."

As a theatrical release it left many things to be desired. Mostly, pacing. Much like the prequels, some shots seemed to linger too long, some scenes seemed pointless, and others just seemed to drag on and on. In fact, about an hour into the movie I found myself wondering how much was left. And during a 90 minute movie, that's a terrible sign. Anakin and his padawan had nicknames that they called everything, which got annoying after a while. However, I didn't find the padawan as annoying as I expected. The same with the Hutt baby. Heck, the baby was adorable!

The voice acting was excellent. James Arnold Taylor, who does the voice of Obi-Wan, does an incredible Ewan McGregor impression, and if I didn't know better I would have sworn it was him. Matt Lanter does a better Anakin than Hayden Christensen, which doesn't seem too hard. Tom Kane is always an excellent Yoda, while Samuel L. Jackson (Mace Windu) and Anthony Daniels (C-3PO) reprised their roles, as underused as they might have been in the movie. Christopher Lee made a surprising (to me) return as Count Dooku, who actually played more of a part in this movie than either Episode II or III.

The facial animation was alright for a TV show. Without a movie budget or time, it was expected, but I'm not sure it was ready for a theater, almost like it was rushed. The movement of bodies and ships was great. The battles, even if they did last too long at times, were fun to see. Helmeted clones and battle droids, without faces, worked the best, I thought.

Star Wars Fan Review: Looking at the movie from the viewpoint of the whole Star Wars universe was interesting. I found myself tying things into other parts of the universe, and was actually surprised to hear at least one of them explained on screen. A little more explaining could have saved some other critics' complaints, because in the books Hutts are described as being hermaphroditic or able to choose their sex at will. This would explain why Jabba's "uncle" Ziro was so effeminate. It also could have been explained by simply making Ziro an "aunt" and avoiding the confusion altogether.

Other things explained in the other movies are ignored in this movie, as is usual for Expanded Universe content (things not happening in any of the numbered movies). Asajj Ventress shows up again from the "Clone Wars" micro-series, who is a Sith Assassin. But as Yoda mentions on screen in Episode I and is explained in great detail in several books, there isn't supposed to be more than two Sith at a time, one who has the power and other to crave it. But during the Clone Wars, there is Sidious and Dooku, with Dooku having a kind-of apprentice in Ventress and another in General Grievous (who thankfully isn't squeezed into this movie). Maybe because Sidious was about to control the galaxy again he felt that having more than two Sith was a good idea. Or maybe because neither Grievous or Ventress have "Darth" titles they are not truly "Sith", but they might as well be.

Comparing it to the other Star Wars movies shows that it has much in common with the prequels. Even though Lucas didn't direct it, I could see shots and scenes where his fingerprint was visible. Of course, the thin plot and the questionable dialog really tied it into the prequels. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, if you don't hate the prequels. The problem is that most people, especially most Star Wars fans, do.

Another comparison is the lack of an opening crawl. There is an opening narration instead, which is great for kids who can't read well, but the announcer voice is a bit over the top, sounding like a political ad from Starship Troopers, almost like they want you to join the Army of the Republic against the eeeeeeeeeeeevil Separatists.

The soundtrack was also lacking. I can understand them not being about to convince John Williams to work on it, but besides the obvious Star Wars themes, it sounded nothing like the numbered movies. Maybe they meant to do that, but it was weird to see those images without the classically composed score.

Kid Review: I asked a couple of the kids in my theater who had just come from McDonald's bearing Star Wars Happy Meal toys what they thought, but they were too embarrassed and only said "I didn't think anything." They weren't talking to each other or laughing, or even racing their toys around like they were before the movie. I didn't take that as a good sign.

Thinking of the movie as a kid would is difficult. Would I have forgiven some of the faults that adults seem to harp on? Would I have been even more excited about a TV series after seeing the movie? The thing is that I don't know. I think if it dragged on at times for me as an adult, I'm sure younger people were bored out of their minds. Even when it picked up again towards the end, would it have regained my interest? Could kids follow the convoluted plot as Dooku's plan was revealed?

Honestly, I don't know. I'm not sure that it hit all of the marks with its intended audience as it would have hoped to. I don't know what processed Lucas to released this to theaters (wait, money), when he could have released it on DVD just as easily and avoided all of this critical failure. It didn't need to be released to theaters to generate interest in the series. If anything, all of this negative attention is really bad for the future of the series.

But the negative attention mostly comes from people who would never watch Cartoon Network anyway. Will I give the series a shot? Sure. Am I it's intended audience? No. I think the shorter run times of the episodes will help the series fare better than the movie, but I doubt the plot will get any better, especially since we know how it all ends.

Overall: An average string of episodes from a children's television show, released to theaters.
2/5

Collegiate Quotes

I decided to finally post the quotes I wrote down when I had my old laptop in college. I don't know why it's taken so long. I will try to bring some context in if it needs it.


Spring 2003 - Music Appreciation with Mr. Trentham

“Silence is the opposite of sound (duh!)” – Jason Summey

Jared: “What are you giving up for Lent?”
Me: “Your face.”

Trentham: “Some of you probably think I’m crazy…”
Me: “Eccentric.”
Trentham: “Pardon?”
Me: “You’re eccentric.”
Trentham: “Eccentric… I like that, thank you, Mr. Stewart.”

(After playing a selection of Beethoven)
Trentham: “What was wrong with Mr. Beethoven?”
Jared: “He was deaf.”

Trentham: “Someone came up to me and told me, ‘You scare me, Mr. Trentham.’ And I said, ‘I haven’t even began stalking you yet.’”

Trentham: “I like going to New York to watch the crazy people. And nobody notices!”

Trentham: “We just sang a lovely rendition of ‘Happy Birthday.’ It was awe-inspiring.”

Trentham: “Whatever Mr. Beethoven had a problem with in the first movement, he must have gotten it fixed.”

Trentham: “I don’t have a horse in this race…” (referring to marriage)

Trentham: “Thank goodness it was videotaped.” (after a smutty wedding story)

Trentham: “Whoever planned the music must have had the intelligence of a box of dog hair.”

Trentham: “You can listen to the works of Beethoven and say ‘We’re not in Kansas anymore.’”

(After saying that he had bought “Home and Garden”:)
Jared: “Do you garden?”
Trentham: “Yes, and I also ‘home’ too.”

Trentham: “That’s a totally different kettle of fish.”

Trentham: “Papa Bruno is complaining because he hasn’t been sleeping since he procreated.”

Geovan: “What’s Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naaa!”

Trentham: “They thought this was an exercise of ‘lust in the dust.’”

Trentham: “Mr. Trentham was packing heat.”

Trentham: “Ah… That’s a Christian chord.”

Trentham: “I didn’t say anything, but that made me want to heave up my pancreas.”

Trentham: “I don’t like that leader of North Korea… His eyes are helter-skelter.”

Trentham: “Last time, I think they pulled something too tight. When she sits down, her mouth opens!”

Trentham: “I give out things in my will that I never owned, and never will own…”

Trentham: “Most of Bugs Bunny’s opera parodies include Elmer Fudd, who I’m starting to look like more every day… But I’m not bitter.”

Trentham: “If Elvis Presley were dead, he might turn over a couple times…”

Trentham (handing him a birthday card): “Don’t open that.”
Caleb: “Cause there’s money inside?”
Trentham: “Yes, and the ink is still wet on the money. Everyone has to make a living somehow.”

Fall 2004- Systematic Theology with Tommy Smith

“We were a depository, or a repository… anything but a suppository.” – Tommy Smith

“Then we go to small groups and pool our ignorance.” – Tommy Smith

“When I was a student back in nineteen *muffle* four…” – Tommy Smith

“Yes…” - Tommy Smith
“Josh. Or you can call me ‘Beautiful’.” – King Cooper
“Alright, go ahead, Sweetie.” – Tommy Smith

“If I were to take a shotgun to my wife’s head and tell her, ‘Kiss me goodbye,’ she would. That’s about what it takes.” – Tommy Smith

“The great theologian Bob Dylan.” – Tommy Smith

“That’s just bologna, to use a technical, theological term.” – Tommy Smith

“If you come over and threaten my wife and I bite your leg, that’s conscious choice.” – Tommy Smith

“But what do we do with hurricanes and tornadoes and plague…” – Tommy Smith
“Geisert…” – Priest

*Tommy changes the projector to “negative”*
“This is like taking drugs and going to see Fantasia!” – Tommy Smith

*Tommy starts singing Beethoven’s Fifth to make a point*
“Will this be on the test?” – Priest

“Did you see the picture of you doing a lay up in the yearbook?” – Drew
“I’m not laying up, I’m dunking. ‘Skywalking.’” – Tommy Smith

“The rapture came and your paper was left behind.” – Tommy Smith

“Are there any more of those yellow sheets?” – Ryan Russel
“No, but you can have mine. The Authorized Version.” – Tommy Smith

“Can you sign it?” – Ryan Russel
“No, but I sweat on it a bit.” – Tommy Smith
“It’s a holy relic!” – Geisert
“‘Rub it on your eyes and receive your sight.’ ‘Ah! Papercut!’” – Priest

“What ‘sense’ did we miss… I don’t know maybe someone bit Him on the arm!” – Tommy Smith

“You didn’t know ‘J.W.’ was Mattingly? He eats puppies too.” – Tommy Smith

“Does anyone else have anything bad about Kevin?” – Tommy Smith
“I hear he burns monkeys.” – Priest

“The person who gets the 9000 copies left over can keep them. Or sell them. On the black market. ‘Black market handouts.’” – Tommy Smith

“You could be spilled with the Firit.” – Tommy Smith

“I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, I don’t go to the movies, I don’t cuss… I don’t vote Democratic.” – Tommy Smith
“You haven’t lived till you’ve voted Democratic.” – Geisert

“‘Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.’ Goosh, goosh. Goosh, goosh.” – Tommy Smith

“Nice message, but I hated the tune. Couldn’t dance to it. Now what were we talking about?” – Tommy Smith

“‘The only people who sit on the back row are chicken thieves and grave robbers.’” – Tommy Smith, quoting his old minister

“‘But God. But God! That’s a big but!’” – Tommy Smith, quoting an evangelist

“Don’t put all of your soteriological eggs in one basket.” – Tommy Smith

“If that wasn’t a ‘cat that ate the canary’ look then there isn’t one. If you looked up ‘cat that ate the canary look’ in the dictionary, you’d see Ryan’s face. Now what was your question, Corey?” – Tommy Smith

“I’d like you to use the internet because when you get out in WorldLand…” – Tommy Smith

“One more question, then I swear I’m done.” – Leslie Plourd
“You don’t have to swear.” – Tommy Smith
“Sometimes I have to swear.” – Priest

“As for the plan for the next few days… I have a plan.” – Tommy Smith
“You’re like Kerry; you have a plan but you’re not going to share it with us.” - Drew

“I think the first words I said was Acts 2:38.” – Tommy Smith

“We’re going to have to have an invitation hymn, all these hands going up.” – Tommy Smith

“People like that never seem to be very good live-rs. And I don’t mean chicken.” – Tommy Smith

“I learned something playing sports: If you don’t do the work the rest of the week, on Friday you get your brains beat out.” – Tommy Smith
“What kind of sport did he play?” – Priest

“I had to explain what a eunuch was, and they thought it was the coolest.” – Tommy Smith

“Obay Acts 2:38” – A rock somewhere in Tommy Smith’s travels

“You sanctify your onions before you put them on your hot dog.” – Tommy Smith

“Do you have an article in there?” – Drew
“Yeah, but its not on Hebrews. It’s not even on the Bible. It’s on skinny dipping in the baptistery.” – Tommy Smith

“I’ll give you one more example before we get to the invitation hymn.” – Tommy Smith
“Almost persuaded…” – Priest and Geisert, singing

“The official name for SPAM is ‘missionary ham’.” – Tommy Smith

“I had to walk away to keep from knocking the snot out of the guy. I apologize for my violent language there.” – Tommy Smith

“Ah, but all the bottles of Holy Water are so clear.” – Patrick Harrison
“That’s because the bottles come from Raul’s faucet.” – Tommy Smith

“‘Lent’ is not the stuff you find in your belly button.” – Tommy Smith

“I call you a liar and it’s OK; call God a liar and you’re zapped.” – Tommy Smith

“Let’s go to First John. Let’s all go to the jon here.” - Tommy Smith

“If ‘ifs’ and ‘buts’ were candy and nuts, every day would be Christmas.” – Tommy Smith

“Twee Tests. Tree Twests… You say ‘three tests’ 10 times!” – Tommy Smith
*Geisert does*
“Smart aleck.” – Tommy Smith

“‘Revenge of the Sith.’ Oh, I thought it said ‘Revenge of the Smith.’ Wondered what I was venging.” – Tommy Smith

“If you think kids are going to obey you perfectly, you’re living in Wonderland. Little rabbits are running by you going into holes with clocks in their hands.” - Tommy Smith

“Not because I’ll earn brownie points; if I take out the trash she’ll make me brownies, literally.” – Tommy Smith

“I do not see the gift of pie baking on this list, but I know that the gift of pie baking to be a great ministry.” – Tommy Smith

“Jimi Hendrix could play the guitar because God gave him the ability.” – Tommy Smith
“Word.” – Priest

“I don’t sing like Luciano Pavarotti yet, I haven’t gotten that spiritual gift; I still sing like Bob Dylan. So there you go.” – Tommy Smith

“What did you find out from your Spiritual gifts tests?” – Tommy Smith
“I’m not patient.” – Patrick Harrison
“‘I couldn’t finish it.’” – Priest

“I dated a girl one time—” – Cooper
“Really?!” – Drew
“Josh is going to tell us about his one date.” – Tommy Smith

“I found out at 1:30 in the morning during a junior high lock-in that youth ministry wasn’t for me. I was ready to kill them. I wanted to mow them all down and go to bed.” – Tommy Smith

*erases several “I *heart* Dr. Trotter”’s that were on the board*
“My apologies to Dr. Trotter. Dr. Trotter’s fan club was active today. You know, I bet he came in here and wrote this himself.” – Tommy Smith

“God came to me in a dream last night and told me to kill at least half of you.” – Tommy Smith
“Wait till I turn on the camera!” – Drew
“Kill that half!”

“Oh no, my son is watching Benny Hinn! Where’s the Playboy Channel when you need it?!” – Tommy Smith

“I’m tired, sometimes my brain goes into remission.” – Tommy Smith
“Where is this ‘remission’?” – Priest

“Don’t throw out the baby with the bathwater. I’ve never understood why you would do that. Some of these old phrases don’t make sense, like ‘Have your cake and eat it too.’ Why would you have cake and not eat it?” – Tommy Smith

“Sorry, I was about to get on a soapbox.” – Tommy Smith
“Do it!” – Everyone
“No no, I’m far too humble to do that.” – Tommy Smith

“Josh, you’d better help Kenny, he’s going to fall out of his chair. Welcome back to our world, Kenny.” – Tommy Smith, handling sleepers

“Can you imagine if the whole body was an eye? They’d roll into the church and get up on the pew. If I was the preacher, I’d run back and forth ‘cause it’d look like a tennis match. I think of these things late at night.” – Tommy Smith

“If someone marries a girl named ‘Beulah’, they’re being redundant.” – Tommy Smith

“I don’t use a remote control in my house. If I’m too lazy to tell my wife to get up and change the channel, I’m just too lazy.” – Tommy Smith (kidding)

“This is the best definition for worship, and it’s the typical Bob [Martin]: it takes forever for him to say it!” – Tommy Smith

Fall 2004 - Church History with Tommy Smith

“All of the people who changed their name in this class are women!” – Tommy Smith
“Eh, women are fickle.” – Tim

“We’ll bust ya head. That’s Latin for ‘we’ll take care of you.’” – Tommy Smith

“Last time I checked, murdering your family was not one of the fruits of the Spirit.” – Tommy Smith
“Darn.” – Lee

“I’d like to kiss Constantine on the lips.” – Tommy Smith

“So, do you think the church is still encouraging persecution?” – Jared, confusing myth with fact

“Married people calling each other brother and sister… This is either incest or East Tennessee.” – Tommy Smith

“This has nothing to do with persecution.” – Tommy Smith
“Persecution of the South.” – Drew
“We’re being repressed.” – Lee
“Bloody peasants.” – Drew

“Always distrust the ‘they’.” – Tommy Smith

“You wouldn’t watch lions eat Christians on ESPN.” – Tommy Smith
“ESPN: Eastern Spiritualist Persecution Network.” – Tim

“Now, if all the bread makers in Rome were to band together--” – Tommy Smith
“They could make a huge cake.” – Lee

“That’s Greek for ‘many fish’.” – Tim (Polycarp’s name, 9-7)

“That’s Latin for ‘many-sided fish’.” – Tim (Polycarp’s name, 9-9)

“Oh great projector…” – Tommy Smith
“We must make a sacrifice.” – Drew
“Bring out the virgins!” – Laura
“If we can find any.” – Drew

“Whoa, the Bibleth!” – Tommy Smith

“Next thing you know you’ll be denying the virgin birth and eating your young!” – Tommy Smith

“They were either Trinitarian or Christological.” – Tommy Smith
“Did he say ‘Crystal Chronicles’?!” – Lee

“SILENCE!” – Tim’s suggestion for how to start class, used by Tommy Smith on 9-14

“If you said ‘homoousius’ to Constantine he’d probably think you were insulting his mother and punch you in the nose.” – Tommy Smith

“Sorry for all you counseling students who got offended. Get over it, you’ll get offended again.” – Tommy Smith

*types “homoousius” and its red underlined* “This must be an Arian spell check.” – Tommy Smith

“Who are ‘the quick’?” – Lee
“The good and the bad. The dead and the undead.” – Tim

“Mark Pierce and I are going to start a church. We’ll have bluegrass, none of this ‘contemporary’ worship. Then we’ll get into a fight and split. Mark will get the ‘blue’ church and I’ll get the ‘grass’ church.” – Tommy Smith
“Now that’s what I’m talking about.” – Lee

“He was part of the Manicheans…” – Tommy Smith
“The butter-people?” – Drew
“The Namekians?” – Lee
“Manacotti?” – Tim
“Crystal Chronicles?” – Lee

“A baby takes his first breath and he’s a sinner.” – Tommy Smith
“So, sin is an airborne disease?” – Drew
“It’s an STD.” – Lee
(Tommy went on to basically say that)

“Let’s roll!” – Drew’s suggestion for how to start class, used by Tommy Smith on 9-16

“Where’s Tim?” – Lee
“Maybe he died and became pope!” – Drew
“I don’t think he’d become pope if he died.” – Lee
“Shut up!” – Drew

“Can you flip that back?” – Ryan Russell
“But its more fun to do this and frustrate you.” – Tommy Smith

“So by default they’re going to carpe diem: ‘buy the fish’ or something like that.” – Tommy Smith
“There we go, another fish reference.” – Lee

*Tommy tears the two overhead papers in half and puts them on screen together*
“That’s called ‘being smarter than the average bear’.” – Tommy Smith
“You could have just folded them.”
“I wanted to tear them in half, punish them a little.” – Tommy Smith

*concerning Pope John Paul ll*
“Of course, he’s been dead for ten years. They just kind of prop him up nowadays, speak behind his back. Like Weekend at Bernie’s.” – Tommy Smith
“He’s a cyborg. He’ll be a general in the Robot Army.” – Lee

“Let’s ‘git er done’.” – Someone’s suggestion for how to start class, followed by groaning

“My son and I sat down and watched the ‘Blue Collar Comedy Tour.’ You could just feel your brain cells coming out of your ears.” – Tommy Smith

“‘Monk’ means, single or alone. Monos.” – Tommy Smith
“The hands of fate! Ah!” – Tim

“Be specific.” – Tommy Smith
“Eh, I like to be vague.” – Ryan Russell

“My grandmother believed that if Jesus came back and caught you in a movie, you went straight to Hell. Which is really bad, because not only would you be in Hell, you would never know how the movie ended.” – Tommy Smith

“Only a church historian would say ‘You’ll be amazed!’” – Tommy Smith

“I liked the monk who lived in a cage for 60 years and ended up being killed by a farmer who thought he was a wolf…” – Jared
“Were-monks” – Drew

“You get a cool spiritual hat, then you have to drag your kids around!” – Tommy Smith, talking about married monks/priests

“If they told you to stand on your head and suck Tootsie Rolls for the next 10 days, you’d do it. Don’t try that at home.” – Tommy Smith

“Now does this [referring to the monastic vows] remind you of anything? Johnson students!” – Tommy Smith

“Knock knock.” – Tommy Smith
“Who’s there?” – The class
“Control freak. You say, ‘Control freak who?’” – Tommy Smith
“Control freak who?” – The class, realizing we’ve all been had

“Obedience, Chastity, Poverty. Are you down with OCP? Yeah, you know me.” – Tim

*Tommy is being sarcastic about monasticism*
“How do you fast ten times a day?” – Tim
“If you’re a hobbit.” – Geisert

“St. Patrick was a pirate!” – Lee

“‘Against spells cast by women’?” – Drew
“Heck yeah. They cast ‘Charm’.” – Lee

“The Galatians were Celtic.” – Tommy Smith
“That must be why Galatians is all about drinking and sex, ‘cause that’s all they know how to do. That and fighting.” – Lee

“Literally all Hell broke loose.” – Tommy Smith
“Literally?!” – Tim
“Yes, the ground broke open and Satan came out.” – Lee

“It’s sad that the only thing we know Patrick for today is green beer.” – Tommy Smith

“Wouldn’t you want to be a bishop in Bobbio? It sounds like a fun place. ‘Yay, Bobbio!’ ‘Sutton Hoo’ sounds like fun too. ‘Sutton HOO!!!’” – Tommy Smith

“Look, it’s George Bush!” – someone’s extremely lame suggestion for starting class

“I’m not a sissy, but I’ve read the books.” – Tommy Smith

“I’ve never understood why we take eggs and give them to a rabbit.” – Tommy Smith
“Well, it would just be dumb to have an Easter Chicken.” – Lee

“It was almost like ‘Earth Wind and Fire’. Celebrate good times, come on.” – Tommy Smith

“Did you have a question, Tim, or are you just waving your pen around?” – Tommy Smith
“It clicks.” – Tim

“I don’t spend too much time on my hair. I just polish and go.” – Tommy Smith

“I gave her a Riesen… to die.” – Tim

“Hold on to your hats, I’m gonna kill you.” – Tommy Smith

“Kind of like how I can ‘name that tune’ in three notes, I can name the Medieval Age in three popes.” – Tommy Smith

“Who become pope and named themselves ‘Innocent’? ‘Hey, I’m Pope Awesome.’” – Drew

“Holy orders, like a cheeseburger on a holy bun.” – Tommy Smith

“Sounds like a bad punk band: Johnny Rotten and the Extreme Unction!” – Tommy Smith

“We’re going downhill. But some say we never started going uphill in the first place.” – Tommy Smith

*The overhead was fuzzy, and Tommy zooms it out*
“Oh, it was ‘controversy.’” – Drew
“A huge controversy.” – Laura

“I can’t believe I never noticed that you drew on my shoe.” – Drew
“No, ‘tim’.” – Tim
“Huh?” – Drew
“I ‘tim’ on your shoe.” – Tim

“Schism.” – Tommy Smith
“Skism.” – Lee
“Shiv ‘em.” – Drew

“Candles are big business in the Roman Catholic Church. Candles are bigger than bingo.” – Tommy Smith

“‘Diet of Worms.’ Luther ate at the same cafeteria you do. Cha-ching.” – Tommy Smith

“‘Peasants’ Revolt.’ That’s when the married students complain about not having air conditioning. Cha-ching number 2.” – Tommy Smith

“We’re going to see where Luther walked.” – Tommy Smith
“The floor?” – Laura

“Rapiers suck. ‘Cause they’re French.” – Lee

“You wouldn’t believe it if I told you that David Wheeler gave me this song. He couldn’t understand it, that’s why he gave it to me. Oh!” – Tommy Smith, giving a Manly Arm Pump

“It’s encouraging to know that Luther, the great reformer, had the same struggles I do…” – Lee
“Kill all the Jews.” – Tim

“Not me, when I’m having a bad day I let everyone know it.” – Lee
“Yeah, we know that we know.” – Drew

“I’ve been to Sacramental. California.” – Tim

“Of course, Dr. Eubanks wouldn’t believe you because, being from East Tennessee, I can barely speak English, let alone speaking in tongues.” – Tommy Smith

“There’s a good can of worms to let out… and let the cat eat.” – Tommy Smith

“Now I may smash your pumpkins on Halloween, but we get over it.” – Tommy Smith
“I’d like to see him try to smash mine. I’ll punch him in the face.” – Lee

“The followers of Luther have out-Luthered Luther.” – Tommy Smith

“I can’t wait to die.” – Geisert

“I ran out of Reisens… to live. I got Lifesavers instead, because my life has been saved.” – Tim

“We get the idea that Baptists hate baptism. If they did, they’d pick a different name. It would be like calling myself ‘maggot’ because I don’t like maggots. I don’t know where that came from…” – Tommy Smith

“The average age of the S&S Cafeteria is 92. All the food there is soft so you can gum it.” – Tommy Smith

“If I knew I was going to Hell, I’d tie one on all the time!” – Tommy Smith

“I missed your chapel service this morning.” - JoshO
“Well, you’re going to Hell. Though for a price I could let you out.” – Tommy Smith
“How much? Let’s talk money.” – JoshO
“A hundred dollars.” – Tommy Smith

“If it was allowed, your lap would be my ultimate goal.” – Danielle, to Drew (as she kept moving back a row every class)

“What you don’t know is that we professors take your tests and share them with each other. Make fun of you, belittle you…” – Tommy Smith
“That’s OK, we do the same to you professors.” – Tim

“They couldn’t conceive of a female monarch.” – Tommy Smith
“Is that some sort of a pun?” – Tim

“We call her Mary Tudor, as opposed to her sister, Mary Fourdoor.” – Tommy Smith
“Or her other sister, Mary Convertible.” – Geisert

“They were going to fight like the dickens.” – Tommy Smith
“Who’s ‘dickens’?” – Drew
“Charles?” – Lee

“He executes his wife, and marries Jane Seymour, who later became ‘Dr. Quinn.’ She looks good for 300 years old, huh?” – Tommy Smith

“My notes are dripping with blood. Literally.” – Tommy Smith

“She played queen of the elves and queen of the English. What else is there to play?” – Tommy Smith, concerning Cate Blanchet

“Y’all are Church History studs.” – Tommy Smith

“Chalk up the nose. I should sue the college for ‘white lung.’” – Tommy Smith

“All the Pietists were on the missions program.” – Tommy Smith
“w00t.” – Tim

“It was either a wand or one of those Barbie pinwheel things.” – Tommy Smith

“Could you spell that for me?” – JoshO
“It’s right up there.” – everyone around him
“Smack him in the back of the head, would you Ashley?” – Tommy Smith

“Sometimes Geovan is disgusting!” – not really what Tommy Smith said

“Freudian slip: I put ‘Zinzendork’.” – Lee

“Wesley went down to Georgia. He was looking for a soul to save.” – Tommy Smith

“It’s always good to get a dig in on Georgians. But I’m afraid of getting my tires slashed.” – Tommy Smith
“The righteous always get persecuted.” – Lee

“We’re pietists!” – Drew
“We like pie?” – Laura

“I like watching little kids go to the bathroom who can’t reach it.” – Tommy Smith, standing at a urinal before class

“Have you taken care of the orphans?” – Tommy Smith
“I’ve taken care of the orphans.” – Lee, menacingly

“The best way to get back at people for calling you names is to accept it.” – Tommy Smith
“That’s why we’re going to start calling ourselves ‘The Stupid Fags’.” – Lee

“If it was rough in Redneck Georgia now, it was really rough in Redneck Georgia then.” – Tommy Smith
“I’ll agree with that!” – Lee

“Lets jump into Bill and Ted’s phone booth or elevator or whatever they had.” – Tommy Smith

“I wouldn’t be caught dead in blue jeans, I’d be like a working class citizen.” – Tommy Smith
“You wear a dress then.” – Lee

“Go over to the Historical Room and check out Mrs. Johnson’s underwear.” – Tommy Smith

“Who’s going to win them to Christ?” – Tommy Smith
“John Wesley!” – everyone
“YEAH!” – Tommy Smith

“Wesley threw away his gown” – Tommy Smith
“That’s good that Wesley came out of the closet.” – Lee

“They sing all 58 verses of ‘Just As I Am’…” – Tommy Smith
“Are there really 58 verses of ‘Just As I Am’?” – Lee
“If you repeat them enough.” – Tim

“I don’t know what happened just then, but it was dangerous.” – Tommy Smith

“There are five churches on my Short Circuit. Number 5 is alive.” – Tim

“…The Revolutionary War. Or, as Dr. Templar calls it, The War of the Rebellion.” – Tommy Smith
“You rebel scum.” – Lee

“Our task today, should you choose to accept it…” – Tommy Smith

“I just don’t know if I can write with a pink pen and still maintain your respect.” – Tommy Smith

“We’ll start back here in the peanut gallery.” – Tommy Smith, starting the role with us
“I think he’s talking about you, Drew.” – Tim

“That’s why we live down here instead of in Minnesota. Or North Dakota, where they have two seasons: Winter and August.” – Tommy Smith

“I keep forgetting we’re in the 21st century.” – Tommy Smith
“Obviously.” – Tim

“Where have you heard Harriet Beecher Stowe before? That’s right, she started the Civil War.” – Tommy Smith

“The revivals went on and on and on and on. You heard Dr. Eubanks this morning…” – Tommy Smith
*snicker* - Drew
“…say that Dr. Johnson was at a three week revival.” – Tommy Smith
“Oh.” – Drew

“He went to his fellow drapery salesmen.” – Tommy Smith
“‘Drapists.’” – Lee

“We’re going global.” – Tommy Smith
“Boom.” – Lee

“I misspelled it, as if any of you would notice.” – Tommy Smith
“I noticed.” – Lee and Drew, simultaneously

“William Carey was a shoemaker; a cobbler.” – Tommy Smith
“A Keebler?” – Drew

“The most famous missionary was David Livingstone. I presume.” – Tommy Smith

I Believe in Harvey Dent

Now that it's Wednesday, I guess it's time to write about the extended weekend we had.

Thursday night we finished cleaning up the house as Josh "Harvey" Guerrero was coming that night. Around 8:30 or so we left the house to pick him up at the airport in Indianapolis, which is maybe an hour and a half away. We got there and did a few laps around the airport and on our third lap, Harvey appeared. Jessica had met him before in Texas, but I had only played Xbox 360 with him online. It was weird to hear his voice and not have it come out of a headset while looking at a video game screen.

Since the whole excuse of Harvey coming to visit us was to see The Dark Knight and we were already in Indianapolis, we had ordered tickets to see it in the IMAX theater up there. The problem was that the midnight showing was sold out by the time I realized that we could do that, so we had tickets to the 3:15 am showing. This gave us probably 4 hours to waste in Indy before the show began. Our first stop was Denny's, where we got a midnight snack of eggs and bacon, with Jessica getting chocolate cake for dessert. We had planned on staying there the whole time, but it was really hot and creepy, so we left to see what else we could find. We decided to show him downtown Indy since we weren't that far from it. There was still a fair amount of activity downtown for it being 1 am on a Friday morning. We circled around and came back to check out the theater situation. The parking lot was completely full, like I don't understand how they handle every day traffic when there's more than just a handful of screens open. We passed the theater and went on a quest to find a Wal*Mart or something open so we could waste more time before we had to stand in line to get into the theater. We eventually found a Super K-mart and messed around in the toy section. We ended up buying a few Nerf guns so we could have random battles around the house that didn't sting as much as a pellet gun battle would. We left there to stand in line at the theater.

When I had ordered the tickets, the 3:15 showing still had plenty of tickets left. Apparently it had sold out in the last few days because I felt that we were pretty far back in the line, but we were probably in the first 1/3 of the line, if not closer. There were normal fans like us, and then there were those dressed up. Not so many Batmans, but tons of Jokers. Some of them just had neon green wigs and face paint, but one kid left the midnight showing and walked past us in a purple suit with scars on his cheeks and had badly dyed his hair a dark green. It was pretty convincing. Around 3 or so they let us in the theaters and we got ready to experience The Dark Knight in its IMAX glory. I already posted my first review of the movie (and I hope to supplement it with a spoiler-tastic second review if I see it again this weekend).

We stumbled out of the theater after the movie and made our way home as the sun was coming up. We got home and I was ready to pass out, but Jessica and Harvey still had energy for some reason. I told them that I was going to get some sleep, and eventually they agreed. We only slept for a few hours (Berkeley was confused as to why we needed to sleep more; he'd been sleeping all night!). We hung out at home for a bit, and I watched Harvey watch Metal Gear Solid 4 on his PS3 (I know it's a game, but it might as well be a movie). We then went up to Bloomington to go to the mall and eat. We had planned on going to Laser Tag, but then decided we didn't want to, so we went home and watched the animated Batman: Gotham Knight (which was OK, but just as disappointing as the Animatrix).

Saturday we played Rock Band pretty much all day. Nick and Morgan came over and we all played together and it was amazing. They left and we continued rocking on into the night.

Sunday morning we got up and set out to get into the Hall of Fame on Rock Band, so we played all day and eventually got in. We still have several songs to unlock and then the Endless Setlist consisting of every song in the game, so the game is far from over, but we got that first step to superstardom. I also need to play the guitar on a level higher than "Medium", but that's a whole different story. We eventually had to say our goodbyes and take Harvey back to the airport. The way home was sad.

It's like this whenever people come to visit. It's always so great when they're here, but as soon as they leave Jessica and I both get depressed for a few days. The house feels so empty. We don't have many friends up here, and those we do have don't come to visit very often. We hope to change that, and in fact we're hanging out with Nick and Morgan tonight.

I'll keep you posted.

REVIEW: The Dark Knight: The IMAX Experience (2008)

As usual, no spoilers.

Summary: The Dark Knight is the direct sequel to Batman Begins, the dark restart of the Batman story without the campiness that usually happens after people are tired of trying to make such dark subjects entertaining to the masses. This time out, Gotham has a new "white knight" in the form of Harvey Dent, a new district attorney not afraid to stand up to the organized crime that is destroying the city. But the organized crime syndicate have a new ace up their sleeve, a villain so unpredictable, so evil that no one can control him. A man without a name or history. A man they call "The Joker."

Thoughts: The Dark Knight embraces it's darkness, giving us a story that few would dare before this point. So many themes are handled throughout the two and a half hours that it's impressive they fit it all into one coherent movie. Basically it all comes down to what it means to be a hero and how sometimes it takes a hero of a different kind to make a real difference.

The movie is impeccably directed and cast, with the acting going above and beyond the call of the script (except for Maggie Gyllenhaal, who reaches the very low bar set by Katie Holmes in the first one, but maybe that was the point). Christian Bale, Aaron Eckhart, Michael Caine, Gary Oldman, Morgan Freeman, are all incredible actors who make you believe their roles.

Heath Ledger, however, takes believability to a whole new level with his Joker. There's nothing funny about his performance. When you look into The Joker's eyes, The Joker is all you can see. Completely unpredictable, without remorse, a true (to bring in some Dungeons and Dragons lingo) Chaotic Evil character. I spent the whole movie on the edge of my seat because you literally have no idea what he's going to do next. Heath Ledger's Joker makes every other villain I've ever seen pale in comparison. I'm not sure where the "Oscar buzz" will go, but Heath Ledger's performance is something more, a total immersion that I believe drove him to the depression and sleep anxiety that killed him. He gave everything he had to this role, in every sense.

Everything about this movie is top notch. It had more scares than any horror movie, more action than any action movie, more suspense than any suspense movie, and was probably the first "comic book movie" that truly deserves to have that mentioned second, if at all. It's hard to imagine clumping it together with X-Men or, heaven forbid, Fantastic Four. I still love Iron Man and think it was tons of fun, but this was such a good movie no matter how you look at it.

Overall: A great movie that happens to be based on a comic book.
4.5/5


The IMAX Experience Review: Since this was my first IMAX experience and The Dark Knight has a special version for IMAX theaters, I figured I'd give it a mini-review.

IMAX is big. Really big. Like I've heard about the bigness, but it was ridiculous. And LOUD. Every punch, every explosion, every bass note in the soundtrack shook the whole room. My extremities were literally numb towards the end of the movie.

The Dark Knight had some scenes filmed in IMAX, so there were sections when the frame expanded beyond the widescreen format to fill up the whole IMAX screen. A few of the major action pieces and all of the helicopter shots of Gotham were expanded. The regular theater versions just have the IMAX screen cropped down to fill theirs, so you're not missing added content really, just added immersion.

There was a mini-trailer before the movie began for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince at IMAX. The last few movies have been at IMAX, but just enbiggened not enhanced in any way. HBP is going to have "selected scenes in IMAX 3D." So, who wants to go with us to Indianapolis November 20th to see the midnight showing?